the courage to change

Play - Pause - Stop - Record - Rewind - Fast Forward.

6 different options on the remote control. As I hold the remote in the palm of my hand, I can't help but wish that I could have one of these for my life. I feel like my life is stuck in fast forward and all I want to do is press a Pause button and freeze frame it.

Life is always changing. Call me a prude, call me boring, call me unadventurous, but I HATE change. Yes, I know I am using the word 'hate' and that it has strong connotations, I use it deliberately. I hate the fact that I have two places where I live, I hate the fact that I have to leave people that I love twice a year to be with the others that I love. I hate the fact that because I leave people, I have to constantly miss people. I hate the fact that I don't know where I am going to be in 5 years. I hate the fact that relationships always change. I hate that change usually means good-bye.

Alright, I think I have made that point clear.

Last week I was having this discussion with Tamille in her room, while laying on her Buzz Light Year comforter. She didn't say too much to try and convince me that change is not as bad as I think it is. Instead she just pulled out this chapter from Don Miller. (I am selecting the bits and pieces that struck me the most, but I encourage you to read it all. It's from his book 'Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road')

It is fall here now, my favorite of the four seasons. We get all four here, and they come at us under the doors, in through the windows. One morning you wake and need blankets; you take the fan out of the window to see clouds that mist out by midmorning, only to reveal a naked blue coolness like God yawning.

I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. These seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers. I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend some money. I will change into a husband to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we are near mountains, and again so we are near friends, keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden, fed by four seasons, a cycle of change. Everybody has to change, or they expire, everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back again so they can love it again for the first time, and for all new reasons.

I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read one page again and again.

The only good stories have the characters different at the end than they were at the beginning. And the closest thing I can liken life to is a book, the way it stretches out on paper, page after page, as if to trick the mind into thinking it isn't all happening at once.

Time has pressed you and I into a book, too, this tiny chapter we share together, this vapor of a scene, pulling our seconds into minutes and minutes into hours. Everything we were is no more, and what we will become, will become what was. This is from where story stems; the stuff of its construction lying at our feet like cut strips of philosophy. I sometimes look into the endless heavens, the cosmos of which we can't find the edge, and ask God what it means. Did you really do all of this to dazzle us? Do you really keep shifting, rolling round the pinions to stave off boredom? God forbid your glory would be our distraction. And God forbid we would ignore your glory

Here is something I found to be true: You don't start processing death until you turn thirty. I live in visions, for instance, and they are cast out some fifty years, and just now, just last year I realized my visions were too far out, that they were cast beyond my lifespan. It frightened me to think of it, that I passed up an early marriage or children to write these silly books, that I bought the lie the academic life had to be separate from relational experience, as though God only wanted us to learn cognitive ideas, as if the heart of a man were only created so he could resonate with movies. No, life cannot be understood flat on a page, it has to be lived, a person has to get out of their head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath:

"I'll tell you how the sun rose. A ribbon at a time..."

It's a living book, this life, it folds out in a million settings, cast with a billion beautiful characters, and it is almost over for you. It doesn't matter how old you are, it is coming to a close quick, and soon the credits will roll and all your friends will fold out of your funeral and drive back to their homes in cold and still silence. And they will make a fire and pour wine and think about how you once were, and feel a kind of sickness at the idea you never again will be. So soon you will be in that point of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages in your left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the author is wrapping things up. You begin to mourn its ending, and want to pace yourself slowly towards its closure, knowing that the last lines will speak of something beautiful, of the end of something long and earned, and you hope the thing closes out like last breaths, like whispers about how much and who the characters have come to love, and how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualifications.

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love other more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God.

We get one story, you and I and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? It might be time for you to go.

It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:

Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry, everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.

About the part of only choosing selections... I found that I couldn't leave anything out. It's a pretty challenging message eh? Not very comforting though. My attempt to describe it would be as frightenly beautiful.

I know that change is inevitable and I don't think I would even want to get rid of it, for it is the very fabric of life. What I am beginning to realise is that is takes a lot of courage to change, it is daunting to release what is familiar and secure and embrace the new. But you know what? I don't think I am willing to give up a life of meaning for a life of security, to give up the movement of life, and the power that comes with it.

So maybe I don't particularly hate change... but is it okay that I am still scared of it?

I just pray that someday I will be courageous enough to completely trust my Father, so that in turn I will be given courage to change.

*Listen to 'Every Little Thing' by Delirious

the newspaper does not get delivered

If you have been a faithful reader of my blog for the past year, you would know that I think that the Pickels comic is priceless. I admit, not all of them are 'laugh until your side splits' funny, but I love the characters, the subtle humor, and then the occasional one that makes me chuckel for days to come when I reflect back on it.
Also, who says that comics need to be funny anyways? (exception "For Better or For Worse" - boring snoring)
Since they daily paper is not delivered to the dorms anymore, I sadly miss out on a daily randition of Pickels (along with my Word Jumble, but that is a completely different situation that I might blog about some other time when I feel uninspired to write anything else). The lack of a daily newspaper means that I am forced to look up the comic on the internet sight. I am ashamed to admit I am not a true avid fan, for I only check it weekly.
Wow... I went on a complete tangent, so now I am actually going to write about what I mean to.

This Sunday's Pickels Comic:







Ok. So not THAT funny...

Do you ever catch yourself repeating the proverbs sayings that your parents or grandparents always would say? Just today, when I was just sitting at the table in the dorm staring into space, I snapped out of my daydreaming by saying, "Well, this won't buy the baby a dress, or pay for the one she is wearing."

--- Robyn looks at me as if I had gone nutso. ---

Nope, not nutso, just a slip from my childhood. My mom would always say this after tea time and it was time for chores, or when she was reading a good book and needed to fold laundry.

This got me thinking about all the little proverbs and sayings we had around the house... mostly from my dad concerning the weather - when I was little I was convinced that he was 'Weather Man.'

I love these sayings, they are so neat. Neato.

Now, all I have to say is that "a cold April chill the barn will fill" better be true. I am sick of this cold weather and there had better be an explanation for this, but if it ensures the filling of the barn I am ok with that.

It just that I don't think the saying about "April showers bring May flowers" accounted for the snow day that Winchester had the other day.

What do April snows bring?? We have yet to see, maybe Ill make a clever saying for it. What rhymes with snow...?

Today's Pickels Comic:








Baahahah! Too good, too funny; this one is a keeper!

Maybe Ill attribute this to the fact that my brain is exhausted and anything is funny right now so that you don't think my taste in humour is completely lame. So now I am going to go to bed and stop staying up into the wee hours.

the greatest climber in the world

My childhood summers were always full of adventure and this episode was not an exception. On this particular morning I had watched a television show on TVO kids which introduced mountain climbing. That was all that it took to convince my brimming spirit that it was my destiny to become the greatest climber in the world.

Now the first thing was getting the right equipment. They stressed that on the show... understandable I guess. There was only one problem, the only funds that I had were stashed away in my glass peanut butter bear jar. I had to find another way; I headed towards the play room. The belt from my dolls play swing was a perfect fit for the harness, the yarn from my mom’s sewing drawer became the rope, and of course for extra safety measures I wore the blue Toronto Maple Leafs plastic hockey helmet.

It was then time to choose the mountain that I would conquer. Since I do live in Eastern Ontario, where the only mountains are the occasional lumps in the road, I was forced to look elsewhere - I chose the biggest of the pine trees in my backyard. I tied one end of the yarn to my makeshift harness and started to climb the tree with ease in order to tie the remaining end to the top branch. Once at the top, feeling quite proud and excited, I decided it was time to repel down this mountain side. Mountain climbing is a synch, I was well on my way to becoming an expert. So I started to slowly repel down the side of the trunk, imitating the way they did it on the television, having complete trust in my homemade apparatus of yarn and doll’s swing belt. Complete trust…

I would love to say that yarn is a great substitute for rope and that a harness can be easy replaced by a buckle of cheap plastic, but unfortunately I can’t. First the yarn started to fray, and then quickly snapped. I began to quickly and uncontrollably fall towards the ground. Luckily, humans have a natural instinct to survive. I did the only thing that came to mind and grabbed a hold of the trunk, hugging it as tight as I could. The friction of my body against bark, hitting every branch, and knocking off every pinecone, slowed the plummet towards the ground. Believe it or not, I did not die, but my dream of becoming the world’s greatest mountain climber did.

Although this episode contributed to my fear of heights, it did not have a lasting effect on the person I have become today, nor does it plague my life with an unforgettable lesson. However, this story is can be seen as a metaphor on how I have learnt my lessons throughout my life, the hard way. “Experience is the hardest teacher, because it gives the test first and the lesson afterwards.” I have always learnt through experience and still do today. I was mostly likely a frustrating child, if my parents would tell me “no” it would generally just entice me to try it and find out the consequences.

Whether this is a good thing or not, I have hardly ever lacked self-confidence, I tend to easily trust those around me, and I do, feel, and react in extremes. I have found that this life brings my life and dreams to two different spectrums – success and happiness or disappointment and utter defeat. I have had many ambitions in life that I have intensely fought to keep alive, whether they were realistic or not. I have made many big mistakes in my life, I have trusted many people who I shouldn’t have, and through these failures I am slowly learning that there are limitations, people do betray you, not all your dreams are attainable, and yarn does not serve as a substitute for rope…

Most of these failures have left scars, real ones and hypothetical ones, but they remain to remind me of the lessons I have learnt. One big one that I have learnt over the years is that you can’t achieve everything you set your mind to. That is a big hocus pocus, self help line that people throw out to kids. The truth is that there are many unmovable obstacles that prevent you from running away with your dreams.

If I changed the way I go about life would it have made things easier? Probably. Would my lessons be less jarring? Definitely. Do I wish I could change it? No.

There have been many mountains that I have not been able to climb, however there have been the ones that I have been able to make it to the top to look back and realize how much it took to get there. The lessons have been valuable, the scars meaningful, and the experiences wonderful.

There will always be the trees that will hurt you, but somewhere nearby will be one growing just waiting for you to undertake it. The frustrations only prove to heighten the accomplishments; the failures make your dreams seem more real. Even though experience is the hardest teacher, it has been my favourite one.

increadible imogen

I love her music.

presecription for Leaf fans

Today , across Ontario, many a heart of a loyal Leafs fan took a horrible beating. The playoff fate of their favourite team lay not in their own hands, but in the hands of the New Jersey Devils, they needed them to come out victorious. In the third period the plight of the Leafs looked grim as the New York Islanders were up 2-0. The hearts of the Leafs fans were plumeting and it seemed as if there was little hope to cling to... but then New Jersey scored, 2-1! It was now a close game, the spirits lifted and we saw a light at the end of the tunnel. As the minutes wore on, New Jersey had yet to score. It then came down to the seconds... 10-9-8-7-6-5-4... the tears started to fall down the faces of some, while others smashed anything within reach... 3-2-1... good-bye Leafs...0.7 SCORE!! The New Jersey Devils had scored! Unbelievable... No one knew how to react to the painful squeeze of their hearts as they struggled to quell the shock. It was not over yet! The fat lady had not sung her tune! Fate was on our side, so it seemed anyways...
Overtime came and went with the different chances for each team, but no one was able to decide the game. This only meant one thing... the dreaded shoot outs ie. the nerve destroyer.
New York scored, New Jersey scored 1-1.
New York scored, New Jersey didn't 2-1.
Smyth was the next one to shoot, if he got it in Leafs would not make the playoffs. Realistically, many fans knew what was most like going to happen. Smyth is king, there is no way he will miss. Once again Leaf fans accept the coming doom. Smyth skates, shoots and NO GOAL, saved!
The spirits rise once again, new hope is given....
New York doesn't score, it is over. Leafs are out to the golfing range.

Tear.

Honestly, this was one of the most intense games I have ever seen or heard (I had to listen to it on the radio, no tv channels). My nerves were shot and my heart battered with disappointment. Will I get over it? Eventually. I just don't think I can watch another close game like this for quite sometime - my doctor advised against it.

The cure for this does not come in a bottle as advertised above - although it could work for you - my cure will be seeing the Senators loose in their first round of playoffs. Other than that, I think I wore off at least a year of my life... oh well it was worth it.

GO JAYS GO!

Good Friday, 1613. Riding Westward

Let mans Soul be a sphere, and then, in this,
The intelligence that moves, devotion is,
And as the other spheres, by being grown
Subject to foreigne motion, lose their own,
And being by others hurried every day,
Scarce in a year their natural form obey:
Pleasure or business, so, our Souls admit
For their first mover, and are whirled by it.
Hence is't, that I am carried towards the West
This day, when my Souls form bends toward the East.
There I should see a Sun, by rising set,
And by that setting endless day beget;
But that Christ on this Cross, did rise and fall,
Sin had eternally benighted all.
Yet dare I almost be glad, I do not see
That spectacle of too much weight for me.
Who sees Gods face, that is self-life, must die;
What a death were it then to see God die?
It made his own lieutenant, Nature, shrink,
It made his footstoole crack, and the Sun wink.
Could I behold those hands which span the poles,
And tune all spheres at once peirced with those holes?
Could I behold that endless height which is
Zenith to us, and to our Antipodes,
Humbled below us? or that blood which is
The seat of all our Souls, if not of his,
Made dirt of dust, or that flesh which was worn
By God, for his apparel, ragg'd, and torn?
If on these things I durst not looke, durst I
Upon his miserable mother cast mine eye,
Who was Gods partner here, and furnished thus
Half of that Sacrifice, which ransomed us?
Though these things, as I ride, be from mine eye,
They are present yet unto my memory,
For that looks towards them; and thou look'st towards mee,
O Saviour, as thou hang'st upon the tree;
I turn my back to thee, but to receive
Corrections, till thy mercies bid thee leave.
O think me worth thine anger, punish me,
Burn off my rusts, and my deformity,
Restore thine image, so much, by thy grace,
That thou may'st know mee, and I'll turn my face.

- John Donne

killer queen

If you don't see me around this week, it's because I have transformed into the Killer Queen.

Superpowers include:
- accelerated healing
- invisability
- poison generation
- sonic scream
- superhuman reflexes
- night vision
- wallcrawling
- superhuman intelligence
- immoratality

She's a Killer Queen

Gunpowder, gelatine, dynamite, with a laser beam.

Guaranteed to blow your mind anytime!

the power of serving others

Saturday was Cross Culture.

I have to admit, if you would have asked me at 6:30am if I was excited for the day, I honestly would have had to say no. You know the usual excuses... I wanted to sleep in, the weather looked gloomy, or I thought there was something else I could have been doing; purely selfish reasons.

Let's just say I have learnt long ago that I should never listen to myself during the first 30-45mins after I first get up (I am a pretty grumpy morning person).

As soon as I got myself going, putting porridge and some milk inside my belly, I started to feel a little more chipper and optamistic about the day. Its suprising what a good bowl of oatmeal can do for you. "There is no such thing as a bad meal when you eat some oatmeal!" Okay... enough about oatmeal, more about Cross Culture.

Cross Culture was such a blessed and wonderful day. It went so smoothly. I would just like to take a moment to thank everyone who made it possible, you are all incredible.

I wrote a little while ago that Bono once said, "Stop asking God to bless what you are doing. Get involved in what God is doing, because it's already blessed." It was evident that Cross Culture is what God is doing.

Matt B and I had the priviledge of being the leaders of the group that went down to Helping Hands. The people there have such BIG hearts! It is a used clothing store run completely by volunteers and is supported by donations only. All the clothes there are free and every Friday they go out and hand out hygene packages to the people on the streets. It was so neat just to have convorsations with these wonderful people and see the passion for serving shining through everything they said and did. It made me think "I want that."

I was caught off guard by one of the questions that Helen (the lady who runs Helping Hands) asked. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Katrina, what drives you heart for God? What makes you feel close to God, what makes your heart feel fulfilled?"

I guess the reason why that question caught me off guard so much was because I thought we were at that time in the convorsation where she would ask the typical, "What are you going to school for?" or "What do you want to become?" And I would answer with the typical, "I am going to school to become an elementary teacher. I can't wait, it's been my dream for quite awhile."

The question she asked me was direct, it was in the present. Not what do you want to become, but who ARE you? It wasn't easy to answer and I don't think I did myself justice with the answer I gave her, "I like to help people." Well said Katrina, well said. If I had a second chance I would hope I could come up with a slightly better phrased answer.

Making a difference drives my heart. Relating to people, seeing someone smile, listening to someone share themselves, being there, doing the little things, giving, serving, being needed... that is what makes my heart feel closest to God, that's what makes me tick.

There is such power found in serving others. I truly think that God did not intend us to be selfish beings who only look out for the "number one." Because when I looked around at the faces of everyone involved with Cross Culture I saw joy, I saw love, I felt God.

Donald Miller (great author of Blue Like Jazz) pretty much sums it up, "There is a kind of evolution that happens to the people who have learnt the beautiful truth that other people exist, and that life can be found in serving them."

I'm going to pull a Helen... "What drives your heart? What makes you feel closest to God?"
Answer those questions and I'll bet that you will start to understand who you actually ARE.

I know it got me started...

here I am...

Here I am sitting at my cluttered 'desk' at 5:00am in the morning, my carpet chair has long lost its whatever comfort it had to offer as I attempt to finish a paper that is due in T minus four hours...
My stomach feels like it is rotting from the gallons of coffee I downed and my hands shake from the gitters as I attempt to type.
I am barley keeping my sanity thanks to Norah humming a tune in the background.
Its kinda funny how being sleep deprived reminds you of the things that annoy you the most and how they all tend to make an appearance... clutter, coffee breath, MLA, dirty dishes, dry itchy eyes, people who whine and complain about having to stay up and work on papers...
Yes, I am annoying myself so I am going to stop



At least someone is sleeping tonight.

what do you want to be when your 20?

If you would have asked me that question more than 10 years ago, these would have been some of the possible responses:

"A milk tester so that I could have a constant supply of Trident gum, Bubblegum flavour."
"I want to have 10 puppies that will always stay puppies because I am going to invent a special concoction that will make them stay puppies forever!"
"I will be living in the woods in a little cabin."
"Be playing for the Mighty Ducks."
"A famous poet and draw the cartoon characters for Walt Disney on the side."
"I will be married to Shawn Shaver and have at least 3 kids"
"I will be the fastest runner in Canada and go on to the Olympics and win a gold medal."
"I will host my own cooking and gardening show and teach the world how to make my famous mud/sand pie."

Yesterday I turned 20, and I think my childhood self would have looked down on me with distain for I haven't fulfilled any of the expectations...

I wasn't sure what it would feel like to turn 20. I was kinda intimidated by this 'milestone' birthday, leaving the days of being a teenager behind. It feels like days ago when I turn 13 and no longer was obligated to say the mealtime prayer, "Lord bless this food and drink for Jesus sake Amen" and having a crush on Nick Carter.
It seems like yesterday when I was celebrating the sweet 16, getting my G1 which meant I no longer had to rely on my Supercyle bike.
It seems like hours ago when I turned 20...

I think my older brother Mike described the feeling of turning 20 the best, "Well Katrina, you are not 30 and your not 10, your in between..." Sums it up pretty well.

Now that I am 20 years old am I disappointed that I am not living in the woods with Shawn and my three kids? Nope. Luckily some things over the years do change...
I can confidently say that I am not disappointed about where I am today. When I look around me all I see is blessings, the health and love of my family, the laughter and support of friends, the oppotunity to go to school, freedom, and joy. I know I don't deserve this, which makes me even more thankful. It gives me such anticipation for my future and what the next 10 years will bring.

If you would have asked me this question about 2 minutes ago, these would have been some of the possible responses:

"I want to be a good daughter, sister, and friend."
"To be rooted and established in my faith, keeping God constantly as the number one in my life."
"To own a motorcyle and get other people give me rides on it." (I don't have any desire to drive one, I just want to be the passenger.)
"To continue to work towards my dream of becoming a teacher"
"To take advantage of every opportunity that life presents and enjoy it to the fullest."
"Be the fourth member of the Dixie Chicks"
"To only drink real tea"
"Always be streching myself to grow and learn. Listening to different opinions and forming my own. 'Always grow, grow always.'"
"Play for the Canadian Olympics Woman's Softball team" (I can always still keep dreaming...)
"Ultimately, living a life that is pleasing to God, trusting in His plans for my life, and allowing Him to guide me down the paths of my life."

Somethings change, somethings don't...

stess reliever?

This morning when I thought my head and stomach were going to explode from the pressure of realizing everything I have to do in my life until next week Thursday this soundtrack soothed it ALL away... ok it just made me chuckle at myself for restorting to ocean sounds. I think I might be going nutso.

glorious calvin and hobbes

I absolutely love Calvin and Hobbes cartoons! So I thought I would dedicate one blog specifically to them by showing some of my favourite cartoons and quotes by the one and only, Calvin.

(Yippee for procastination methods when I really should be writing one the the trillion papers that I have due.)

"Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!"

"I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul."

"I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know."

"To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible."

"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."

"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."

"Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend."

"I'M SIGNIFICANT!...screamed the dust speck."

God on a dirt road walking toward me

I know, I know, I know... and that is the problem.

God never promised that the Christian walk is going to be easy, but the comfort that we have is that we will never have to do it alone. Everyone knows the classic line from the Footprints In The Sand poem "I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

It is easy for the mind to wrap itself around this concept, but it's a lot harder to tell that to the heart. What the mind knows does not always easily transfer down to the heart. The head got the memo, but the heart is illiterate. Great. Sometimes, I wish that it was the other way around.

What do you do when God's prescence is foreign? Do you just go on pretending like everything is ok and then eventually it will be? Do you go on with the mentality that this is just a valley and you must go through it to stand upon the mountain of God? Cliche.

When my devotions could not pierce
Thy silent ears, Then was my heart broken, as was my verse;

Both knees and heart in crying night and day,
Come, come my God, O come!
But no hearing.

O that thou shouldst give dust a tongue
To cry to thee,
And then not hear it crying!

(excepts from Denial by George Herbert)

Not so cliche, eh?

I once listened to an Indian on television say that God was in the wind and the water, and I wondered at how beautiful that was because it meant you could swim in Him or have Him brush your face in a breeze. I am early in my story, but I believe I will stretch out into eternity, and in heaven I will reflect upon these early days, these days when it seems God was walking down a dirt road, walking toward me. Years ago He was a swinging speck in the distance; someday He will be close enough that I can hear His singing. Eventually, I will see the lines on His face. (Blue Like Jazz)

How I long for that day when God will no longer be walking towards me on the dirt road, but we will be walking together holding hands. Then there will be no reason to convince myself of His prescence for it will be undeniable.

I will understand.

Ive got a hankering

Spring is in the air, which means it is time to dust off one of my most treasured possessions - my beautiful black Rawlings glove.
I've got a real hankering to play catch, so consider this an open invitation. Anyone, anytime, anywhere. (I think this sounds desperate. Meh, oh well.)
But in the meantime I guess there is always this option...


If you watched this whole thing, don't feel too bad. It is kinda hypnotizing.

attempting to put into words...

This past week has been one of those 'makes me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside every time I look back on it' weeks.

It all started with a road trip down to Clinton with Matt, Liz, Ryan, and Robyn to watch Ryan play some hockey. The game was intense and left the fans on the edge of their seats. Ryan's fans were satisfied with his two goals and an assist. (I think those stats are right... although I am just a self-proclaimed sportsnet reporter).Ryan and Matt's piercing voices, as they sang along to "Too Little, Too Late," was classic. I swear Matt hit every note.

This next part makes me gloat with glee. Our team for British Quiz night swept the board and left all the other teams in the dust. One little thing though... I'm still bitter about that dairy farmer question. I have NEVER ever heard a real farmer call twelve or more cows a Flink. I'm pretty sure if they did they would be mocked until the cows come home.
Special note for team Guild: B for 'Better luck next time'

On Wednesday we broke from tradition and went out for dessert instead of having devos. (Just for a quick side note, if you ever want to go out for dessert don't go to Crabby's because they only have one dessert.) So I got the only dessert they had, some kind of apple caramel crunch and a large caramel milkshake and learnt quickly that caramel is only good in small doses... unlike the wonderfulness, exemplary smoothness, and richness of chocolate. mmmm chocolate.
Here's me attempting to give Tamille a wet willie. Fun.

This one is a gem! Over the last couple of days I have fallen in love with Anna Nalick's music. This week I learnt how to play her song 'Breathe' on guitar. It's been wonderful and I'm sure the girls in my dorm might be sick of hearing it. This little video combines my favourite movie with a great song 'Forever Love' by Anna Nalick. *sigh*

Ever since I got this face mask stuff for Christmas, I have been trying with little avail to get the girls to have a face mask night with me. On Thursday night James Harskamp made my day by asking if he could have a face mask treatment. Gosh golly, what a pleasant surprise. I finally got to share the experience of the Cucumber Melon Facial Clay with someone. It was definitely a brother and sister moment, although my brothers have never let me do this to them....
So if you notice anything different about James and I, its not a hair cut or a dye, but our extremely smooth and good looking faces.

Big News! For the first time in my life I am going to be going to a Blue Jays home opener!!!!! Gone are the days of watching it on the television and wishing that I could be there experiencing the smells, sounds, sights, and excitement of baseball. I can't even put into words how this makes me feel. The best I can come up with right now is, 'Oh man, I'm so pumped!!!!!'

Banquet. It was on Friday. It was super, duper, fantastical, amazing! That day was so lovely, sun shining, birds chirping, spring was in the air. Danielle and I went on a drive with the sun roof open to Limeridge to do some last minute shopping. When I got back the dorm it was time to get ready. :) I had the privilege of doing Liz, Ree, and Robyn's hairdos for the night. Kudos goes out to them for trusting me with it. If anyone would have lit a match in our dorm it probably, no definitely, would have combusted due to the hairspray fogging the air.
The best part of the night was the dancing! Incredible. Never have I seen so many dutch people letting it loose on the dance floor. The smoothness and slickness of the people around me never ceases to amaze me.
That night we got back and watched the movie 'The Prestige' until 4am. Great movie, definitely confusing, but a fantastic movie. I recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it. Oh! and speaking of movies, we watched 300 this week too. Another fantastic movie, it was very well done. I normally don't like war movies, but this one was different.

Last but not least, because this is what truly makes my week wonderful, is the time just spent with my first rate friends. The late night talks, the laughs, singing, trips to Wallmart and Tims, watching 24, and those Sunday afternoon lunches we have, honestly usually the highlight of my week.

Yup, this week has been golden.

sarcasm, a beautiful thing

My favourite type of humour is sarcastic humour. There is something about it that cracks me up everytime. When people have perfected this art, it's a beautiful thing. There are only a few whom I have met who have been able to accomplish this. Robyn and Jess, you are probably the top ranked in my books when it comes to sarcasm; I still haven't found anyone that could measure up.

Don't ask me how I found this.. lets just say I stumbled upon it late at night while I was sleep walking. If you actally use it to improve yourself sarcastically I promise not to tell anyone. It is a lesson plan on being sarcastic.

Note: By no means do I consider myself intellectually superior to you. Just because I am trying to teach you something that is usually innate and comes easy to those who are clever and intelligent, or at least quick-witted, does not mean that I presume to think myself your superior, and expect that you genuflect before me. You can thank me later...

Step One: What Is Sarcasm

As with any subject of study, it is always helpful, nay, necessary to learn the terms of art that relate to the subject. In this case it will be easy since by simply knowing the definition of the word ‘sarcasm' should be enough to point you in the right direction.

Sarcasm: Pronunciation: 'sär-"ka-z&m
Function: noun
Etymology: French or Late Latin; French sarcasme, from Late Latin sarcasmos, from Greek sarkasmos, from sarkazein to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer, from sark-, sarx flesh; probably akin to Avestan thwarts- to cut
1 : a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain
2 a : a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual b : the use or language of sarcasm

Step 2: Finding People Who Are Capable of Sarcasm

In order to be able to recognize sarcasm, you will need to hear a lot of sarcastic comments, and to pay close attention to the nuances that make an otherwise simple comment into a sarcastic sting. To do this, you will need regular access to one person who is a natural at being sarcastic. The easiest place to start would be the people you already know. Although it is unlikely that you will have a friend or acquaintance who is clever enough to be sarcastic -- being that you are not sarcastic yourself*-- it is still worth evaluating your friends.

Step 3: Memorizing and Reciting Sarcastic Comments

The exercise for this lesson is rather straightforward: memorize and repeat.
Every sarcastic comment that you identify should be memorized; write it down if you have to – You can get a small notepad and pen at your local stationary store. Always be sure to make a mental or written note (it is best to make a written note) detailing the situation in which the sarcastic remark was made.

Step 4: Making Original Sarcastic Comments

This will be the hardest portion of your studies, because it requires that you develop your own thoughts. As with any new venture, there will be mistakes.
After every attempt at being sarcastic ask questions, ‘Was that sarcastic?', ‘Did you think that my comment was clever?'. Learn from your mistakes, and do not be afraid to ask for help to further develop the comments that you find are not sarcastic.
This exercise should be repeated until you can at least make a successful sarcastic comment fifty percent (half) of the time. However, make sure that you do not overexert yourself in trying to always be perfect with your sarcasm. Just be happy with the abilities that you have developed.

You're Welcome! :)

why i still love full house...

Tonight I spent a good 2 hours just watching Full House clips and I have renewed my childhood crush on Jesse... he is such a stud.

ignorance and truth

Ignorance. What is ignorance? Is ignorance bliss?

One of the greatest discoveries that we make as human beings is to recognize how little we really know about almost everything and understand the magnitude of our ignorance. For as we begin to realise how much we don't know, we being our journey of discovery towards the horizon of the unknown towards the truth.

Truth. Francis Bacon once asked, "What is truth?"

'But it is not the lie that passeth through the mind, but the lie that sinketh in, and settleth in it, that doth the hurt; such as we spake of before. But, howsoever these things are thus in men's depraved judgments, and affections, Yet truth, which only doth judge itself, teacheth that the inquiry of truth, which is the love-making, or wooing of it, the knowledge of truth, which is the presence of it, and the belief of truth, which is the enjoying of it, is the sovereign good of human nature.'

Truth is the opposite of a lie. Lies are powerful, for they have the capacity to replace truth so that we no longer search for it. They sink into our very being, giving us a sad sort of pleasure. They are easier to accept, because they do not challenge, they do not seek for answers. They are a simple concept to quell questioning and consequences.

'If it be well weighed, to say that a man lieth, is as much to say, as that he is brave towards God, and a coward towards men. For a lie faces God, and shrinks from man.'

Truth on the other hand challenges us and does not allow us to wallow in our ignorance. It does not allow us to ignore the consquences of the things we accept. Truth is not comfortable for it has the capacity to confront a mistaken belief. Even though lies are powerful, truth overcomes. Truth lasts; it is the presence of truth that allows for knowledge and it is the beautiful display of the spirit working in the good of human nature.

'Certainly, it is heaven upon earth, to have a man's mind move in charity, rest in providence, and turn upon the poles of truth.'

*All quotes are from Francis Bacon's Essay On Truth

to make you laugh, cringe, and cry

This is what I do while I am 'studying' for midterms. I go on youtube and watch video clips to get a good laugh. This one not only made me laugh, but also cringe and cry. Enjoy!
(excuse the elmo and tigger scene...)




I wish you all a great reading break.
Stay safe! :)

valentines day

Happy Valentines Day to all my loved ones back at home! I miss and love you all!




















And Happy Valentines Day to everyone!

May this day be a reminder that God's love is deeper than the deepest ocean, brighter than the brightest star, warmer than the warmest sunshine, softer than a sigh, higher than the highest mountain, wider than the sky and there is nothing in can ever change His Love for you.

May God's love to you be always the source of true happiness!

vice president speech

For all of you that were not able to hear my speech this morning.

Leadership is an action, not a position and a key component to action is vision.

I have served on Student Senate for both my years at Redeemer, as a First Year Representative and currently as Secretary. Over these past years I have realised the importance of not only having a vision but also implementing and accomplishing it.

Redeemer’s Student Senate has incredible potential. This year in particular we have realised that Senate was not reaching its full potential. Over the past couple of months we have been actively pursuing this issue and have been restructuring Senate so that it does not settle for what it is, but becomes what it ought to be. It is our job to ensure that the student’s voice does not get ignored and we must continue to accomplish our goal to become an effective, strong, and a reliable representative for you the students. As Vice-President I plan to carry on this vision with passion, perseverance, and practice.

I have a passion what Student Senate is and does. I realise that it is an awesome opportunity and a great responsibility to serve my fellow students and Redeemer. The more I learn and grow I become excited and motivated to see change and growth within the student body as a community. I want to see a community that will realise that we have a responsibility to our school; we have vital part to play in ensuring that Redeemer continues to grow with integrity. Our voices must be heard, our needs must be met, and our interests must be taken care of. My hope for Senate is that it is able to truly become the vehicle that makes this possible. It is our job to ensure that all the members of the Redeemer community remain responsive to the students.

To accomplish these goals you need perseverance. As the old saying says, ‘It is the leaky faucet that gets fixed first.’ My years on Senate have taught me the importance of persistence and perseverance. As Vice-President I promise to persevere in all circumstances, even when it seems as if what we have set before us is unattainable.

It is always easier to say something than actually do it, but I will practice what I preach. Through the position of Vice-President I will be a support for the President in leadership and direction, I will be available to hear your concerns and interests, and I will work towards building a stronger relationship between the student, Senate, and the Administration.

Lastly I will pursue Student Senate’s vision to ensure that it will reach its full potential and goals, all the while glorifying God through all its actions and seeking to advance His kingdom and promoting a spirit of service within the student body of Redeemer.

katrina for vice-president

The 4 P's of My Platform

1. Passion: I have been on Student Senate for the past two years. Last year as a First Year Senator and this year as Secretary. Over these past two years I have grown to have a passion for what Senate does. I love being involved in the workings of Senate within Redeemer and having this awesome opportunity to serve the students.

2. Practice: I say what I will do, I will do what I say and I will do my up most best to ensure that Senate also does what it says it will do. Through the position of Vice-President, I will be a support for the President in leadership and direction, I will be available to hear your concerns and opinions and bring them to Senate where we will deal with them and work towards a solution, I will continue to work towards building a stronger relationship between the Students, Senate, and the Administration, and lastly I will make sure the voice of the students does not get ignored in the decision making of Redeemer.

3. Perseverance: To accomplish goals you need perseverance. I have found this to be proven time and time again throughout my years on Senate. Sometimes the goals that you have set forth seem unattainable, but if Senate continues to work as a team with perseverance anything is possible.
As Vice-President I promise to persevere in all circumstances.

4. Potential: When I look at Senate I see so much potential for what it is and can be. As Vice-President I want the chance to continue in the process of enabling Senate to reach its full potential of becoming an effective, strong, and reliable representative for the Student Body to the Administration.

I appreciate your support! :)


* COME OUT TO THE SPEECHES ON FEBRUARY 12th AT 11:00AM IN THE FRONT FOYER
* VOTING WILL BE ON FEBRUARY 14th AND 15th

presupposition

There are some presuppositions to the way we understand the the world whether we are Christians or not.

Just cause you said something doesn’t make it true
Even if it seems to work for you

Maybe I’m right and you think I’m wrong

you think I’m weak but maybe I’m strong

If there is no God then everything is permissible. That is exactly what we are living in at the moment, in a world that denies that there is real objective moral good that insists that all moral truth is personal and subjective and that tolerance is a primary virtue. Now each of those statements are untrue.

Even if it seems to work for you

Maybe I’m right and you think I’m wrong

You think I’m weak but maybe I’m strong

Do you really want the truth to come and set you free

Or are you satisfied with your state of complacency

So will you set down your pride and open up your mind

He says will you believe in me

Just don’t start telling me your really honest

And don’t start telling me that I’m close minded

And don’t start telling me about your wisdom

Why don’t we start at the same presupposition

Whenever love is attacked, whenever justice is attacked, whenever truth is attacked, whenever honour is attacked, you have a duty to be intolerant. And the actual strange thing about our society is that it is dependent not upon tolerance but upon intolerance. Because when our intolerances are appropriate there is no child abuse because we were not tolerant, there is no wife abuse because we were not tolerant, and so on. Our society declines precisely when we loose our discrimination between good and evil.

- Joel Geleynse
(www.joelgeleynse.com)

whitewash

This weekend Robyn, Ryan, Jordon, Jesse, and I made the trek out to Clinton to play and watch some hockey. Unfortunately we got caught in the worst whitewash snow storm I have ever seen. There were times where we were only navigating by Robyn and Ryan sticking their heads out of the windows to look for the road line. At one time a car in front of us drove right into a ditch. Jordan was golden though, we ended up surviving and even made it to Ryan's hockey game on time, but unfortunately it was canceled... so we ended up heading over to Ryan's house where we played a good two hours of hockey outside on their family rink in the backyard. Robyn and I each got a goal! :)
Needless to say I felt like a true blue Canadian this weekend. Going to watch a hockey game, getting stuck in a snowstorm, and playing hockey - doesn't get much better than that.

What we saw through the windshield for a good two hours:

psalm 103

One of my favourite parts of Redeemer are the times when we get together to worship. Tonight we had a low key gathering at 34. It's such a wonderful and uplifting thing.

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

no man is an island

No man is an island, entire of itself. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
- John Donne

Being involved in mankind is intimidating, because when you get involved (like John Donne points out) you realize that everyone is ultimately connected to each other and we are responsible for one another. For too long I have been using the cop out of fear to justify my lack of knowledge and involvement in the injustices and brokenness of this world. I am afraid to show mercy to the poor, spend time with hurting children, to witness the pain of dying people because I know that I will get my heart involved and it will break and be wrecked. This fear is what has stopped me from going on the many mission and outreach opportunities that have come my way. Selfish, I know.
This past week and a half has been a huge wake up call for me. Redeemer held a Social Justice week and as I sat there listening to the facts and seeing the images I couldn't help but feel so incredibly guilty. What I have done to show Christ's heart to those who need to see it the most?
So many times I felt helpless, hopeless, and my heart wrenched for the world. God was tugging at me, and I have realized that I am not satisfied and never will be just to sit back and do nothing. I want to touch people's lives with love, I want to make a difference in this world. I know that it won't be easy getting involved but I also know that God's powerful presence is with His people when they seek to do His will.
I forget who said it but this statement hit me pretty hard. "God breaks your heart so that your hands will be more willing to serve."

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear, then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I

- Isaiah 58

Bono said, "Stop asking God to bless what you are doing. Get involved in what God is doing, because it's already blessed."

More than ever it is evident what God is doing, His heart is with the hurting, His heart is with the poor, His heart is for the dying, and that is where mine should be also.

Jack Bauer my hero

Maybe I am a little enthralled by him, or maybe this is a completely normal reaction...

tetris - good for the brain

According to Richard Haier, et al. prolonged Tetris activity can also lead to more efficient brain activity. When first playing Tetris, brain function and activity increases, along with greater cerebral energy consumption, measured by glucose metabolic rate. As Tetris players become more proficient, their brains show a reduced consumption of glucose, indicating more efficient brain activity.

riddles

Try these out and see if you can answer them! I'll post the answers later.

What row of numbers comes next?
1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221

A woman has 7 children, half of them are boys.
How can this be possible?

I cannot be felt, seen or touched;
Yet I can be found in everybody;
My existence is always in debate;
Yet I have my own style of music.
What Am I?

The word CANDY can be spelled using just 2 letters.
Can you figure out how?

There is a common English word that is nine letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word - from nine letters right down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?

I soar without wings, I see without eyes.
I've traveled the universe to and fro.
I've conquered the world, yet I've never been anywhere but home.
Who am I?

In a major league baseball game, a pitcher faced only 27 batters. Every batter he faced, he struck out. He allowed no hits and no runs, yet his team lost 4-0. How could this be?

welcome Ree!

My dear fellow dormie and friend now has a blog! :)

www.reejoys.blogspot.com

would you rather...

I know we have all had the 'would you rather' discussion at one time or another.

Would you rather be able to fly or be able to breathe underwater?
Would you rather be lost in the artic or the desert?
Would you rather need to sleep at least 12 hours a day or need no sleep at all?
Would you rather be unvincible or be able to feel no pain?
Would you rather drink skim milk or pond water?

Typically, it is fun to be able to think about which one we would choose, its not like it would ever happen anyways. However, a couple of weeks ago we had this convorsation and this question came up:

Would you rather to love and lose or not to love at all?

At first the answer seemed pretty straight forward, of course you would pick to be able to love. After all the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. But on second thought, would you still want to allow yourself to love even though you knew you were going to lose them? It is safe not to love. Sure you will miss out on a lot, but you would also save yourself emense heartache.
Tonight at our devos it was pointed out that fear is the opposite of love. I can definately see why. If I would know that I was going to lose a person I love, I would become afraid to love them.
Love is a choice, every day we make a conscience decision to love the people around us. We are given the choice not to love. This aspect of love makes it so dangerous. You hear of so many married couples getting a divorse or long-time friendships becoming hogwash. Can people fall out of love? Can true friendship just fall to pieces? In my opinion, No. Somewhere along the line there was the decision not to love. We can control how we love, who we love, and what we love. We have control over this aspect in our lives - kinda scarey to think about eh?
However, the fact that we can choose to love gives it aspects that are so much more special, strong, and admirable. This makes love the greatest thing on the face of the earth. Love is able to conquer all because it is not based on feelings like the other 'emotions' we experience.

That is why I would choose to love and lose than not love at all.

why michael hates toby...

Tonight I went on youtube and watched numerous clips from the show 'The Office.' I laughed, I cried, I laughed until I cried...

another year is dawning

Wow, what a great year.
The year of 2006 was a lesson on change. This past year I left home for the first time and embarked on the experience of Univeristy. When I graduated from grade 12 I was a pretty confident person, I knew what I wanted in life, thought I knew who I was, and going to off to Redeemer was just the next step.
God threw me for a loop or two and this past year was nothing like I expected. These loops turned out to be big learning curves. I have grown so much in every area of my life and I have realised that I will never stop be amazed at what I have yet to learn. That being said, I look forward to what this coming year holds, it's sure to be interesting to say the least! Life is never dull around here.

Highlights of 2006
- surprise trip to Niagra Falls for my 19th birthday
- the Banquet
- Mike taking me to a Delirious? concert
- the many hours on the tractor this summer which allowed me to memorize the lyrics to all the country tunes
- painting the fence, not so much a highlight but it is what my summers days consisted of so it's kinda imprinted on my memory.
- our first family vaction in 6 years to Kingdom Bound
- defeating my fear of heights and rollercoaster by going on Superman
- being a camp counsellor at camp Adonai
- star gazing on the night when there was a meteor shower
- surviving the Senate Budget Meeting, 21 hours, longest meeting of my life!
- going to the Christian Farmers dinner with Liz
- the mouldy wrap fight with Ree and all that entailed, except for the huge goose egg on my noggen
- beating the guys (dorm 34) in the first snow battle of the season
- all the great late night discussions
- The Office marathons and laughing until I cried while watching them (I'm on withdrawl)
- the Christmas break that involved Dance Dance Revolution, endless chocolate, lots of snow, the Sound of Music, winning my fist game of Monopoly, many games of Wizard, 24 hour flu (not so nice), literally jumping into the new year and the almost detrimental face masks. It was great.