you catch me if I'm falling

Ever had a dream where you were falling headlong into complete darkness, but woke with a start, heart pounding, before you hit bottom?
Ever played the game where you stood on top of a picnic table and made yourself fall backwards into someone's arms?
Ever fell from the top of a three story treefort only to be saved be two random branches at the bottom?

Falling. It is a concept that is hardly ever met with anticipation and willingness. Falling is frightening. Why this fear? Could it be because we are not confident that someone will be there to break our fall? And then what happens if you are unwillingly pushed into a situation that leaves you spiraling, with no other choice but to trust that you will be caught, that you will be upheld, so that you will not be devestated.

In no way will I say that it was worth it, that it is justified, and that it will ever make sense. Loosing Craig is, and will continue to be, one of the hardest things I have ever had to experience. Although, I heard something on the radio the other day that sank deep, allowing a peace to settle, and it to become a little more clear.

The talk was on why God would ever let His children to be tried by fire. I have to admit that I didn't pay attention to the whole thing. It was a long drive home and I was distracting myself by pretending that I was a racecar driver on the last victory lap. But it was almost as if the man's voice got a little more louder, a little more passionate, and these ringing words brought me back to reality with a start.
" These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed" (1 Peter 1:7).

Ever felt like you couldn't trust God? I know I have. In fact, at the beginning of the summer I was brutally honest and wrote a whole list of things that I couldn't trust Him with.

Craig's death pushed me and I was forced to fall, left with no other choice by to trust that someone was going to be there. I did not hit bottom and I was not devestated. He was there. He broke my fall, my faith upheld me, and made me realise that what I had was real. The hope that only He can give allows me to still be able to filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. It is not easy, but it proved that I can trust Him.

You catch me if I'm falling.